During a divorce, you are likely to wish that certain things could be off-limits for conversation with your former partner. One thing's for sure. There are certain things that you and your soon-to-be ex should try to keep from your kids as much as possible. When in doubt, speak to your family law attorney. Also, be sure that your children don't learn these things about your divorce.
Your Fears About Their Future and Your Own Future
Although it can be tempting to open up about your deep-seated fears about what happens if your soon-to-be ex wins custody, it would not be helpful for your kids. Even older teens can take on a lot of anxiety if they see their parents struggling, and that can result in something like the parentification of the child. Express those fears among trusted friends or in the safe environment of therapy.
When You and Your Ex Are Having Fights About Custody
The custody battle may seem like one big fight, but there may be moments of intensity between you and your ex as you stand your ground and try to win custody. As much as possible, try to shield your children from these ups and downs. They don't need to know who seems to be "winning" the battle. If kids ask, you can reassure them that both you and your ex are working hard to make sure that they are going to be as happy as possible.
The Darkest Reasons for the Divorce
Children may know more than parents want them to know about a divorce, but try to shelter them from the nitty-gritty details of a divorce. A young child doesn't need to have their admiration for a parent marred by an extramarital affair or other dark reason for a divorce. It's best to keep all discussions of blame off the table when the family is together.
Regrets that You or Your Former Partner Have About Coupling
Not everybody can consciously uncouple in Hollywood fashion, but your children don't need to know how deeply you regret ever getting together with your ex. Although it may be the last thing you intend, a child can take on that information to mean that their existence is part of that regret, so it's best to refrain from any mention of regret in the relationship.
Finally, check out sites like http://www.ivylawgroup.com to get in touch with a family law attorney about anything that confuses you concerning the children throughout the child custody battle. When in doubt, protect your kids from the unpleasantness from the divorce as much as possible while reassuring them of the unconditional love that you and your ex feel for them.